I was recently at a friend’s party. Coincidentally, one of her co-workers was a friend back from my days in education (as a student, but the way I said it makes me sound more professional). How to describe our relationship is interesting because there really isn’t one. We were friends, I guess. Every time we used to talk at school her body language was always very flirty, which would be great…if I wanted to hook up with her. Look, don’t get me wrong she’s a nice girl, but—to quote a book/movie I’ve never seen—I’m just not that into her.
But seeing as we were at a party and I was a wee bit drunk, her a bit more so, I thought, “I’m in a drought, it would be so easy to just ask her out and get some poon!” I also discovered that I use the word “poon” in my head when I’m drunk. Luckily, calmer heads prevailed (pun intended, ladies (women love puns, guys)). I did not ask her out and I have remained sexless since then.
NAH, that’s not the end.
Apparently, she was very drunk and ended up having sex with some random dude at the party in a bathroom! So the way I see it, if I had asked her out, I would have had an insanely bruised ego when I found out the next day she was too drunk to remember me asking her out before she gave her poon-hole to some guy. CRISIS AVERTED!
Thank you fate for helping me avoid listening to Billie Holiday and crying into my pillow while eating ice cream!